there's a medicine for that
by Virbank
Summary: AU. "Makarov called us silly children. I've never been so mortified in my life." — multi-chapter Team Sabertooth nonsense; swearing, alcohol.
1. one: rufus

**a/n: okay, so here I am with a collection of Team Sabertooth pieces. They're all in the same universe and might reference one another. Oh, right. Basically, they're all in high school at Fiore Academy (with Team Natsu, Mirajane, Lyon, etc.)which is somewhere on the East Coast of the United States. Or something like that. As for ships/pairs, it's pretty much everything. Nothing's really set, except for NaLu and eventual GaLe, and _maybe _either Grayza or Jerza/Gruvia. Not sure yet.**

**The next story will probably be longer, but enjoy this for now.**

**+standard disclaimer**

* * *

**there's a medicine for that**

(AU. "Makarov called us silly children. I've never been so mortified in my life."— multi-chapter Team Sabertooth nonsense)

* * *

one

**Rufus**

* * *

Rufus woke up to the sound of machine guns firing, Orga singing Five for Fighting's _Slice_, and Sting screaming. Needless to say it was the most terrifying thing he'd ever experienced, mostly because of the massive headache he had. Not to mention he didn't have a damn clue about what he did the night before.

There were long, dark blanks in his perfect memory, an uncomfortable new experience for him—he was famed amongst Fiore Academy for being able to remember almost everything even after getting so shitfaced most normal people wouldn't have been able to remember what two plus two equaled. There were flashes of his fist _maybe_ connecting with someone's head on complete accident and Minerva destroying random shit, but it was dream-like and felt unrealistic.

He looked to his right, only to find the aforementioned girl sitting in a wooden chair by Sting's shitty wooden table that they used to do homework, eat food, and play card games like poker and blackjack. She was in her shortest black dress, (he was pretty sure he could see her hot pink thong) teetering in and out of sleep. To his left was Rogue. He was passed out on the couch in an uncouth manner, a thin line of drool from the corner of his mouth. And dear god, Orga was _singing._ Not even his normal level of shit awful singing, it was a half-drunk babble that sounded like dying whales. Then, finally, there was Sting.

The blond teenager was either being murdered or playing Call of Duty. Knowing Sting, it was probably the latter, which probably involved killing a few thousand NPCs. It was no wonder Yukino had thrown in the towel during their freshman year of high school. She'd been the only one who didn't participate in the drinking challenges. In short, it meant she was the _only_ one that didn't participate in their drunken rampages after they had nearly half as much of Cana Alberona's normal consumption. According to Mirajane, that was a _shit ton_ of alcohol.

It took Rufus another five minutes to realize his Venetian Carnival mask was thrown askew to the side of Sting's basement where vomit-covered clothes lie. Considering the fact it was Sting's, it was unnaturally clean—probably because Minerva would've flipped shit if she had to spend the majority of her time in a basement that reeked of sweat, dirty clothes, old pizza, and sex. At least, that's what she said the first time they were all hung over in his bedroom two years ago.

His body hurt too much to move. It was a weird feeling, considering he was pretty used to hangovers. It either meant that a) he got a little too smashed the previous night or b) he got into a fight with one of his best friends… or c) both.

Rogue stirred at the sound of Sting's expletives towards their pink-haired classmate over the Xbox 360. Rufus could feel his headache worsening as he heard the distinct stream of "fucking hell!" from Sting, the sound of machine guns coming off a television grow louder, and Orga's singing becoming worse. It seemed to wake Minerva, too, because there was loud groan—"Sting, Orga! Shut the fuck up!"—followed by the sound of her head hitting the table in front of her.

Orga and Sting paused what they were doing to turn towards the pissed teenager, looked at each other, and laughed. They laughed until they were gasping for breath, and laughed some more. There was an occasional "they don't remember!" in between gasps, which only made Rufus scowl.

In his attempt to ignore the loud duo, Rufus managed to notice a welt on Rogue's head. Lector and Frosch, Sting and Rogue's cats, were nudging him with their noses. The black haired boy groaned and mumbled something about his everything hurting, which was weird as hell because Rogue never complained.

"Yo, Minnie, save us some booze next time! You too, Carnival Face!" Sting managed to choke out.

Rogue's eyes opened. They were only a pale pink compared to Minerva's bloodshot eyes, and Rufus was sure his were no better. Sting's best friend managed to throw a half-assed glare at Minerva and himself as he muttered, "and don't get so fuckin' drunk."

Rufus felt his face pale. He noticed Minerva's eyes widen in slight horror. _Oh shit._

Getting a full view on the basement, it appeared that besides the puke everywhere, there was also the occasional burn mark on the carpet and there were broken bottles in the corner.

Minerva voiced the question that was begging to be asked.

"What the hell happened last night?"


	2. two: sting

**a/n: okay, so here's the next part of _there's a medicine for that_! It kind of previews what Fiore Academy is like, also what happened at their party last week. Also, kind of Rogue/Minerva and Sting/Lucy but not really.**

**+standard disclaimer**

* * *

**there's a medicine for that**

(AU. "Makarov called us silly children. I've never been so mortified in my life." — Team Sabertooth nonsense)

* * *

two

**Sting**

* * *

"I must really hate myself."

There was a rustle of papers and the sound of backpacks being thrown carelessly against a wall. Chairs tugged against carpet and a soda can was popped. Lector and Frosch looked up from their spots on the couch and then returned to their slumber.

Sting's head collided with the table in his basement, nearly spilling Rogue's can of ginger ale. His eyebrow was twitching and he began mumbling incoherent curses. His worksheet was in front of him, filled with scribbles and evidence of constant erasing.

The basement smelt of beer and smoke. There was still broken glass and burn marks on the floor from the previous week's adventures, and Sting had been given hell for it. His mom blew things way out of proportion and he'd been 'grounded'. As in, confined to the basement. She couldn't stop Rogue from coming over because the two were like brothers, and she was convinced Minerva was the best thing that happened to him since Physics class. As for Orga and Rufus, she knew it'd be near impossible to try and exclude the two, not to mention Sting or Rogue or both would sneak them in anyway.

In the end, it wasn't really a punishment after all, more like a slap to the wrist and a "don't do this again."

Sting turned his head to glare at the clock. Minerva, Orga, and Rufus were late. It was unlike Rufus and Orga teen to be late. Hell, they were usually the _first_ into his basement, even if he were home. He decided they either got jumped on the way there or were with Minerva… or both, depending on the girl's mood.

Speaking of Minerva, Sting began to suspect something going on between her and his best friend, and he wasn't quite sure what. Out of all the people at the previous week's party, Sting had managed to have the least amount to drink. He blamed Lucy Heartfilia for that one—she was probably the only person in all of Crocus to reject him. Not to mention, she had rejected him for _Natsu Dragneel_, the one person who he couldn't stand losing to.

But anyway—he wasn't sure how, and he wasn't sure when, but somehow, Minerva ended up give Rogue a lap dance, which made Rufus punch his lights out. He saw it with his own eyes. Almost recorded it too, but his phone had died and the likelihood of finding a camera was next to none. And right now, he really wished he'd gotten off his lazy ass to find one.

The worst part about it was he couldn't even tease her for it. She'd been drunk out of her mind, and didn't remember a damn thing. But Rogue hadn't been, and Sting was pretty sure his best friend remembered everything. That was the problem, because Rogue had some half-assed crush on the psycho and he was buzzed enough to not be able to realize that Minerva had been too drunk to function.

He wasn't quite sure of Minerva and Rufus' relationship, either. The mask-wearing teen had a tendency to follow the girl's every footstep and always agreed with her. He was aware that the two had been friends since they were in diapers. Maybe Rufus was extremely overprotective of the girl, since her father gave no shits. At the same time, Sting had never seen Rufus show the slightest romantic interest in _anyone_, except for Minerva. Of course, he wasn't sure if he could classify it as 'romantic' but he sure as hell would call it nosey.

Sting noticed that Minerva, on the other hand, didn't seem to care who pined after her. She'd always considered her lovers toys. And that attitude really pissed him off. He was pretty sure that she was aware of Rogue's minor crush, and if that was the case, she was screwing with his head, despite being friends. If it were any other day, he would've been the biggest bitch to her.

But alas, the duo had managed to test into AP US History, and Sting wanted to kill himself. That's why he was waiting for Minerva, and why he was being nice to her—the girl was a goddamn genius when it came to history. Well, that and Physics, but Sting ended their freshman year with a 110% on his final and there hadn't been any extra credit, nor did he study, so he was pretty sure he'd never need help with that.

Besides, Biology wasn't a problem, nor was English. Calculus proved to only be slightly tedious because he was lazy as hell and didn't bother to try. His teachers had duly noted his lack of effort in class when he began attending the school. It still managed to astound them when he would score perfect hundreds on tests. Still, it only made them try to push him harder in class, which would usually result in even less participation.

And then there was the fact that whoever wrote up the schedules thought, _what the hell, let's put Eucliffe, Cheney, Fullbuster, Redfox and Dragneel in as many classes together as possible!_ When the teachers saw their classes for the first time, Sting was pretty sure half of them nearly fainted at the combination of students.

His Honors Bio class was a prime example. He and Rogue had walked in with two minutes to spare, only to find Lucy Heartfilia and Erza Scarlet with their notebooks out, ready for class to begin. Gajeel and Levy trailed in shortly after them, Levy pulling the taller man's ear so he wouldn't be late again. Three minutes later, Gray Fullbuster and Natsu Dragneel had burst through the door, yelling at each other. Their teacher gave them detention slips and they headed to the seats next to Erza and Lucy.

Then, Sting could hear the gears turning in Professor Yajima's brain as he nearly fainted at the sight of his class. Needless to say, the class consisted of mostly arguing and detention slips until Erza flipped out. If there was anyone in the Natsu's group that he respected, it was definitely Erza Scarlet. Since the class was at the end of the day, Sting left with a headache the size of an earthquake.

"I want a beer," he groaned, head pounding. His secret stash had finally run out, and he knew his parents were beginning to notice a few cans and bottles missing. "Son of a bitch, _and_ there's Calc homework."

"Stop complaining, Sting," Rogue said in an irritated voice. Sting could see his eye twitch.

In response, he laughed.

"Don't get your damn panties in a twist, Rogue."


	3. three: minerva

**a/n: alright, so here's part three! Or chapter three, which ever you prefer. Basically, this is Minerva + school life + relationships + her father, which equals what we have here. It takes place _before_ the other stories, so they're tenth graders. I feel as though I did a poor job with writing Jiemma, though, so if you could tell me how I did on that. And I'm a little angry at Minnie for her actions in chapter 307, but the show must go on, personal feelings aside! As for ships, what would you** **_want _to see?**

**+standard disclaimer**

* * *

**there's a medicine for that**

(AU. "Makarov called us silly children. I've never been so mortified in my life."— Team Sabertooth nonsense)

* * *

three

**Minerva**

* * *

Contrary to popular belief, Minerva actually did like people. Sometimes.

The black haired girl had always been rather fond of her annoying as hell friends, even if she didn't show it. Sting and Rogue had grown on her since she began attending Fiore Academy way back in fifth grade.

Minerva had been friends with Rufus when she was little, and she wasn't very happy that Sting and Rogue were his friends back then. As for Orga… well, Orga had the habit of following the trio wherever they went. She'd gotten used to him being around.

Needless to say, those were the only relationships she'd managed to maintain for a long period of time. But at the same time, she _was_ Minerva, and she had an effect on people that made them cower away from her in fear. For the most part, she was totally fine with that.

Then there was her least favorite part about hanging around Sting and Rogue—nearly every girl within a ten mile radius could tell when they were near. And then they would scream bloody murder because _holy shit, it's the star quarterback and the captain of the soccer team!_ It didn't mix well with Minerva's number one pet peeve—screaming for no apparent reason—and it only got worse when they began tenth grade.

Sure, it was damn impressive that two freshmen had risen to the ranks so quickly. But that meant nothing when Sting got a 110% on his Physics final and managed to get laid by none other than Karen Lilica. Something about it made almost every girl want to date him (or fuck him, it didn't really matter to Minerva). From what she knew, everyone wanted to either please or outdo the green-haired beauty after she tore out Loke's heart.

Then Karen graduated, and they entered their sophomore year. Between jealous glares and rumors, Minerva gathered that she was either fucking Sting or Rogue (or both, it depended on who you heard the rumor from) and selling drugs on the side. It didn't bother her, but she held no romantic interest towards the pair of idiots, and refused to be associated as such. So she went ahead and began to charm the pants off of Hibiki Lates—literally. Two and a half weeks later he professed his love for her.

And got rejected.

The stunt had gotten Minerva in a whirlwind of trouble with a generous chunk of the female population and soon, she had Laxus Dreyar knocking on her door. So her toying with men continued, knowing full well what they threw themselves into.

"Your milkshake brings all the boys to the yard," Sting told her, totally straight faced. She nearly punched him for that one, but he the presented her with a glass of scotch, which shut her up pretty well.

After awhile, some of her classmates—namely Jenny Realight—tried calling her names, but it didn't end well seeing as Rufus almost threw her into a locker.

"Don't insult my friends," he'd snorted. "Or I won't hesitate to beat the shit out of you."

Minerva vaguely remembered the weird stripper in her Honors Chemistry class say the same thing to Juvia Lockser when she first transferred in eighth grade and insulted Lucy Heartfilia. Obviously, people had the whole _chivalry be damned_ way about going things. And Minerva was strangely okay with that.

For the most part, Minerva had never felt bad about screwing with people's emotions. It probably stemmed from the fact that her father didn't give two shits about other people. Which was why she was in her current predicament.

It was March of their sophomore year and Spring Break was right around the corner. She noticed Sting and Rogue being unusually on edge, always glancing at the clock. She didn't blame them. They had to run like hell and lock themselves in Sting's basement before their wild hoard of stalkers tried to invite them to their parties. But that wasn't the least of her worries; she'd be meeting her new stepmother in less then twenty minutes.

Speaking of Sting's basement, it'd only been about a year and a half since they'd all started hanging out there, after Minerva complained about the stench of Sting's room. Rogue's mother had banned them from gathering at the Cheney household due to their destructive nature, and Sting's was the next closest to Fiore Academy.

They had made rules about the basement, too.

Firstly, under absolutely no circumstances were they allowed to leave dirty clothes lying around for more than a week.

Secondly, if they were going to have sex there, they'd damn well lock the door, clean up afterwards, and spray some Fabreze.

Generally, the first rule got avoided by spraying the air freshener around every few days, but the second rule stood. After walking in on Orga and Laki Olietta at after their freshmen midterms, the group decided it absolutely necessary to uphold the second rule.

In all honesty, Minerva knew she was pretty much the only one to ever need to lock the door. Rogue and Sting had all used their own bedrooms. How considerate. Knowing Orga, he'd probably be doing in the janitor's closet—apparently he really had a thing for almost getting caught. And Rufus… well, Minerva wasn't quite sure about Rufus. He'd never really shown interest in anyone, but Sting would tease him about liking her.

Which was positively absurd. But then again, it wasn't. The two had known each other since forever and a half, and if you believed the whole 'you _will_ fall in love with your best friend of the opposite sex' bullshit, then _yeah._ They should've been planning their wedding by now.

But alas, that was bullshit and Minerva would have rather fucked Zancrow then fall in love with her best friend. Or fall in love in general—that shit didn't exist, not when you were Minerva.

The clock struck three and Sting and Rogue jumped out of their seats, grabbed their backpacks and ran like hell to the safety of the basement. It threw Minerva out of her thoughts, and her classmates ran like hell when they saw her face. Her _new stepmother _would finally be making her appearance. Minerva was dead set on making the meeting as quick as possible, but as she entered her chauffer's car, she knew it'd be several hours.

She nearly slammed her head on the window as she waited for Sting to blow up her phone asking where in the hell she was. Dobengal raised his eyebrow at her but didn't ask. When angry, the young lady was not to be questioned. Besides, he agreed with her. Jiemma's choice in wives was absolutely awful. They all attempted to pry Minerva from her friends, throw her into frilly pink dresses, and shove her into being friends with people like Jenny Realight, and that shit just didn't fly.

She slammed the car door shut and forced herself through the front door of the mansion in which she lived. She saw her father and a pretty redhead with brown eyes. It was obvious she why she was wearing the tight-fitting black dress. Her purse was definitely from Louis Vuitton, and her shoes dangerously high. She seemed to be in her mid-twenties, and Minerva felt her eye twitch.

"Oh my fucking _god_," she hissed.

"_Minerva_," her father said, warning her. "Do _not_ use that kind of language in front of Raquel."

Minerva felt like letting her jaw in the floor. There wasn't a chance in hell they'd make her go to a party. And…

"_Father_," she said, teeth gritted. "_Would you come to the hall with me?_"

Her father complied, and promised Raquel they'd be right back.

"You could've at least been nicer, you ungrateful wench!" he said to her.

"She is no older than twenty-eight. You have got to be shitting me."

Before her father could lash out at her again, she closed her eyes. It was her way of saying never mind when she didn't really want to admit defeat.

"We will be attending a party up in New York City wherein I will present Raquel as my fiancée. I expect you to be there, Minerva."

"I can't."

"Oh? And why is this?" he questioned, and Minerva was aware he was ready to burst.

"Prior engagements."

"With?"

Minerva had to think quickly.

"Heartfilia. Heartfilia, Strauss, and Alberona."

Her father nodded. They were some of the most influential people in the country, and it would be beneficial for his daughter to become acquainted with their children. Besides, their parents wouldn't be showing at the party. This was a perfect chance to form new alliances. They wouldn't escape his influence.

"Fine. You may stay. But I expect you to respect Raquel, Minerva. Or there _will_ be consequences."

Minerva nodded, then headed towards her room. She said hello to Raquel in her nicest voice possible, then slammed her door shut. For the first time in awhile, she felt hot, prickly tears form in her eyes. It was the first time that she was told to respect her stepmother, and she knew this one would last longer than the others. She bit her lip and dialed Rogue's number.

Sometimes, Minerva was really glad she had her friends.


	4. four: rogue

**a/n: whoa there this is kinda late, I guess... but I had a little trouble portraying Team Sabertooth as kids, so... yeah. But I thought it'd be nice to have a little insight on their elementary days, so that's what this is. Next chapter will be Orga's turn, and it'll be back to their no-shit-giving high school selves, promise.**

**+standard disclaimer**

**there's a medicine for that**

(AU. "Makarov called us silly children. I've never been so mortified in my life." — Team Sabertooth nonsense)

* * *

four

**Rogue**

* * *

When Rogue was in fifth grade, a strange girl with black hair in a wild arrangement of braids and buns came in. She introduced herself as Minerva and wouldn't say another word, even with the teacher prompting her. Minerva had obviously just moved to Crocus (because seriously, no one just _transferred_ from public school to Fiore Academy), and she occasionally mumbled something about an evil stepmother.

His first reaction was utter disgust.

_Great,_ he thought. _Another fairy tail obsessed weirdo who thinks she's better then everyone._

She didn't pay attention to him, but quietly made her way to her seat, between himself and Sting, and Rogue was positive that they'd scar her for life. Sting tried to greet the girl, but she only stuck her nose up and _humphf_'d. Sting scrunched his face up and motioned to Rogue something along the lines of, _this one's crazy. _It wasn't until Rufus burst into the room screaming apologies for being late that she even spoke.

"Sorry I'm late, ma'am!" the blond breathed. "My mom got caught up in something…"

Before the teacher could even respond, Minerva had stood up on the spot, eyes wide.

"Hey, doofus! What are you doing here?!" she said, completely and utterly shocked.

Rufus stopped apologizing and looked at the girl. The blond's jaw nearly slammed to the floor and his eyes seemed to pop out of their sockets.

"Whaddya mean 'what are you doing here'?" he asked. "I _live_ here, you dolt!"

"Hey! Don't use words we don't know!" a young Gray Fullbuster shouted.

"Yeah!" Natsu Dragneel agreed (which was a first), but Minerva and Rufus didn't seem to pay attention to the two boys. Rogue felt a headache coming on as Sting got up to join the shouting match. Erza Scarlet, who sat on the other side of Sting, yanked him down so forcefully Rogue swore he heard the chair crack. Not to mention Sting looked like he was about to pee himself from the glare she gave him.

By now, Minerva had already made her way over to the mask-wearing boy. Orga, who was previously sleeping in the corner, had been woken up by the yelling and looked positively murderous. He began grumbling about loud idiots and not getting any sleep (and seriously, _what the hell,_ he was in fifth grade). Minerva had her hands on her hips and was demanding answers from her friend, while Rogue and Sting looked on in curiosity.

"Well?" she asked. "You could have told me this is where you went to school!"

"I never thought it would matter!"

"Well when I told you last time I saw you that I was moving here, you should have said something."

"Well, sometimes the world doesn't revolve around you, _princess_!" Rufus retorted, and Rogue could tell his face was flushed in anger. There were tears in his friend's eyes—if there was one thing Rufus really, truly hated, it was getting yelled at. But Minerva also seemed upset from her friend's carelessness, and her cheeks were puffed up with air.

"Well _maybe_, you should listen to me when I'm talking to you, _Carnival Face_!" she shouted, and Sting leapt from his seat.

"_Hey_! I am the only one allowed to call him Carnival Face, you—"

"Sting, it's not worth it!" Rogue hissed towards his friend, but Sting didn't listen.

"—crazy bitch!"

Rogue felt like time stopped moving, and the argument stopped. Twenty pairs of eyes turned to his blond friend, and Orga muttered out, "dumbass."

Their teacher was visibly shaking at this point.

"All of you. Office. Now."

.

.

.

The walk down to the office was not a pleasant one. Sting led the group of five, being that he practically lived in the old man's office, anyway. Still, it was Rogue and Rufus's first time and Minerva's first day and they practically had to drag Orga with them.

"This is going to be a long visit," Rogue hissed at Sting, angry at everything.

"It's all new girl's fault," Sting cheerily replied, as he opened the door to the office, waving at Layla Heartfilia, who at the time was Makarov's secretary.

"If she didn't start bitching at Rufus, none of us would be in this mess," Orga muttered, stomping his way in.

Layla sighed at the fifth graders—her daughter's classmates.

"He'll see you know," she called over to Sting, who led his line of friends over to the door.

.

.

.

After fifteen minutes of explaining what happened and another fifteen minutes eating cookies (because seriously, it was almost lunchtime and everyone was damn hungry), Makarov looked them all in the eyes.

"Now, now, you silly children. I'm sure that this was a one-time thing and it'll never happen again… right?" he said, smiling.

Rogue felt himself shiver in horror—damn the principal was scary. All the same, the five miscreants nodded their heads and scampered out.

.

.

.

Before they entered their classroom, Minerva darted ahead of Sting and stopped them in their tracks. She looked at them and sighed before putting her hands on her hips.

"Makarov called us silly children. I've never been so mortified in my life," she said to the four boys in front of her. The look on her face might've scared the living shit out of them, but that was the start of their friendship.


End file.
